Ban the bull: tenancy agreement

Author : em-admin

Posted : 16 / 11 / 09

After the resounding success of our gobbledygook amnesty, we realise there are obviously many concerned citizens out there who share the desire to eliminate overblown double-speak wherever it is found.

So the quest continues: to seek out, capture and rehabilitate any specimen of bull loose in the (writing) world.

This month, the offending sample is taken from a tenancy agreement: an animal often found lurking in this particular stable. The fact you’re reading such a document generally means you are about to fork over large quantities of money, but you’re more likely to feel that you should be the one paid – to decipher it. Yet it is precisely in this kind of text where the meaning should be utterly clear to the reader – before you sign your name to it.

A member of staff at Emphasis had the misfortune of wrestling with this one recently.

Repairs and cleaning during tenancy

(The Tenant agrees…)

To take all reasonable precautions (including keeping the heating system running during the winter and/or periods of cold weather or draining if appropriate) to prevent any damage to the water or heating systems by freezing or other natural phenomenon and in the event of such damage caused by failure by the Tenant to take such reasonable precautions the Tenant shall forthwith and at the Tenant’s own expense effect all such repair and replacement as may be necessary to reinstate the system in good working order and also to repair and make good any consequent damage that may have been caused to the Property or the decorations thereof.

Let’s look at the charges here:

Unpunctuated block of text

You may well have spotted that this example, weighing in at a hefty 107 words, contains just one full stop. If potential tenants were required to read their agreements aloud before signing the lease, letting agents would be responsible for numerous casualties. This stream-of-consciousness style also makes the full meaning difficult to grasp in one reading.

At a minimum this should be split into numerous sentences, under the rule ‘one sentence, one idea’. Better yet, bullet points should be used to highlight points.

Here, separating the ‘what’ (the responsibility of the tenant) from the ‘how’ (the ways they might fulfil this responsibility) would be useful. Only then should you get to the next part, covering what is only a potential eventuality – what to do in the event of damage to the property.

Convoluted and elaborate language

‘Forthwith’? ‘Thereof’? ‘Effect all such repair’? ‘Make good any consequent damage’? Are we in a Victorian parlour? Choices like these almost seem designed to alienate most readers, and make for a dense, confusing and overly wordy finish. Everyday alternatives, like ‘immediately’ for ‘forthwith’, are much more accessible.

Unnecessary repetition

Is anyone actually prepared to explain the distinction between ‘repairing’ and ‘making good’ any damage to the property? No, because they essentially mean the same thing. If a point is important, make it clearly; don’t make it twice.

The final sentence(s): our rewrite

To take all reasonable precautions to prevent any damage to the property’s water and/or heating systems from adverse weather conditions. These include:

keeping the heating system running in winter and/or periods of extreme cold
draining these systems if necessary.

If any damage should occur where the tenant did not take such precautions, it will be the tenant’s responsibility to arrange for the adequate repair or replacement of any damaged part of the property or decor at their own expense.

There. That wasn’t so hard, was it?

On this mission, any and all help in tracking down the guilty will be much appreciated. So, if you ever crash headlong into an impenetrable wall of waffle – be it at work or at home – please do your patriotic duty and send the sample to us. Every sender will receive a copy of The Write Stuff (our 60-page guide to good writing), so be sure to leave us your contact details.