Are you struggling to come up with a new nugget of corporate gobbledegook? Could your report benefit from some indecipherable doublespeak? Are you floundering from a lack of filler? Never fear. Sloganizer to the rescue!
The new application for the iPhone brings the old paper Sloganizer right up-to-date – and right into your office.
When it became obvious in the 1970s that ambiguous nonsense was the latest staple of boardrooms around Britain, Sloganizer was born. In its first incarnation, it was made of paper and offered up to 1000 random three-part combinations of meaningless business lingo, such as ‘decentralization of participative ambiguity’.
The latest downloadable version will reveal up to 375,000 internally interchangeable – and utterly incomprehensible – phrases with a simple shake of your iPhone. Some highlights include:
Multi-disciplinary bureaucratic strategy determination
Integral prognosis of fields of tension
Functional conservative alternative behaviour.
While the last one might well refer to David Cameron’s conduct and policies as he tries to elbow Gordon Brown out of the PM spot, we can guarantee that 99 per cent of the slogans will mean absolutely nothing. This is the jargon jackpot.
Please note: Emphasis and the makers of Sloganizer bear no responsibility for any loss of time, money or respect while using this product.
Tags: Jargon, sloganizer
One feels the vacuous slogan pregnant with doublespeak – or ‘newspeak’ – is the main language of the European Union, and has been spliced into UK culture through 13 years of New Labour.
Cameron has been careful is not to slip into such a trap to the same degree. He seems to tread the line between doublespeak and over-simplification with some skill, coolly bringing to his advantage ‘Blair-like’ optimism whilst remaining true – and thus seemingly authentic – to the centre right.
For example: ‘Progressive goals through Conservative means’.
If Cameron is as radical as he would like us to believe, his campaign – when in government – of the decentralisation of state power will in turn lead to a liberation in the public sector from the ‘double speak’ that has dogged Labour’s Britain, as it dogs any nation under the well-meaning but – inevitably – underhand and intellectually-challenged governance of a socialist ‘Big Mother’ state.