Catie Holdridge
Oh, jingle bells! Under the influence of one too many eggnog-laced espressos, we’ve only gone and rewritten verses from three popular Christmas songs in almost impenetrable management speak.
Passive constructions? Tautology? Unnecessarily long words? Latin? Oh yes.
Can you translate these tunes back to their original festive format? Email us your answers once you’ve deciphered them. The first five people with the correct songs will win a copy of the book My Grammar and I (or should that be ‘Me’?)
And, from everyone at Emphasis: it is our fondest desire that you experience a convivial festive period. We really mean it.
1
The decrepitation of Castanea sativa on an unenclosed conflagration
The arctic impingement of Jokul Frosti on one’s proboscis
The harmonising of a choral ensemble on festive canticles
And citizens attired in the accoutrement of the Inuit.
2
I’m experiencing a reverie in which I behold a Yuletide that is niveous
In all ways identical to those I was familiar with at some point prior to today
During which time the uppermost parts of foliage scintillated
And pre-pubescent juveniles gave attention
To perceive tintinnabulation amongst crystalline water ice.
3
The Ilex aquifolium and the Hedera helix
At the exact moment that they have advanced to their maximum dimension
Taking into account the entire scope of flora to be found in the thicket
It is atop the Ilex aquifolium that the coronet is borne.
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